The start of something new

I've decided to re-do my blog. 
This is my first post.


I am currently living with my boyfriend, it's been over three months now.
We're going strong. Soon it's our one year anniversary.


I miss my family, but I visit them on the 26th, for a whole week.


I now live at the coast, so I love having a tan.
I have made new friends at my new school,
they're all very lovely.


Hopefully my next blog will be more interesting.

♥

. 12 days to go

Had a tough weekend. 
But we sorted it out together
Things aren't okay,
but they are.
I'm going to stand by him,
because the things he has given up for me
its insane.
I love him.
I hope these bad times go away.


I started packing today.
12 days to go... 

♥

On the phone to him...  I love him (:

Air infiltrated, putrid,




clouded with murky smoke.




 Darkness overwhelms,




 envelopes on the retreating silhouette.




 Sounds regarding similarities to a 




screeching bird, 




vibrate frequencies through out the still 




night. 




The humid chill approaching in the 




distance. 

*dislikes*

I don't like my blog, its ugly and meaning less. I want a new one... 
Or for it to some how appear to be decent.


Hmm, stress is making me a bitch.


I've been thinking that me and my boyfriend will break up when I move
in with him... WHO THINKS THAT? 
Poor guy, I'm such a baaaatch.


-.-


Also, I gained weight...
so now I feel like a chunky blob!
 D:  D:


Today my old bestfriend came back to me,
because her boyfriend and her broke up.
Thats one thing I can do right,
is be a good friend.
I was her shoulder to cry on all day...
Mum was a little mad about the make up on my jumper.
Poor girl though, what a horrible thing to happen.
I still love her, even if she ditched me for him.


Exams are in a week, and I still haven't started packing,
which is two weeks away.
Deb is this friday night.
EVERY ONE LETS DANCE!


I need to relax. I hate being sixteen.

.

 When  I  make  him  sad, 


 it hurts  me too.

.

Today, I cried on my Dad's shoulder.
I freaked out.
I'm so scared.
Time is escaping me..
I had 70 days...
Now I have 19.
Where did time go?!
I don't have enough time to get ready for this.


FML


What do I do?   -.-

Just wish I were with you right now. ♥

-

Went out last night,
went to a party...


I felt very out of place,
all the girls were beautiful,
and were wearing pretty things.


There were a lot of couples there too,
I guess that that is expected at parties,
but it made me miss my boyfriend a lot.


In a way, I want to hurry up and move,
because I do not seem to fit in with my group of friends.
They're all so very different to me...


I constantly feel like an outcast at school,
and at the moment, at my brothers house too.
I am not sure if its just because of my mind frame at the moment,
or my constant bad mood.


Either way,
I just want to go home to my Mum.
Do my homework,
read my books,
talk on the phone with my Boyfriend,
sleep in my water bed,
and shower in my shower.
Oh, and go for my runs
and workouts.


I am sick and tired of feeling so secluded.


It'd be nice to get some sleep too,
this insomnia really isn't ideal.


Hopefully I stop complaining soon.


Until then, I'm out.

Lets see what the night brings

As the sun sets over another day,
the sky darkens to a deep navy blue.
On some occasions
stars twinkle across the sky,
creating a magical glow.
The moon rises to the highest point in the sky.


Sometimes, when its a full moon,
the most spectacular thing occurs...
The moon has a ring of light shining
kilometers around it,
in the sky.
You showed me that,
you called it a halo.


It means a lot to me now,
and I hope you propose to me,
under the moon,
when its shining with a halo.






Only twenty-seven days until I move in with you.
I want to be with you for the rest of my life,
I wouldn't take this step if I didn't.
I hope we last,
you're worth everything.

Day two:

Okay, today was no where near as easy as yesterday.
Last night I had another bad night, 
this insomnia is getting a little annoying.
I am sick of laying awake all night.


I got up this morning to two very sick nephews.
Conner was in a bossy, annoying mood.
Blake was so sick that he just cried.
He didn't sleep or eat until this afternoon.


I am sick as well, and on top of not sleeping,
I am exhausted.
I have a lot of homework this week.
I am not looking forward to it.
I am starting to stress out a lot...


 I just want to have my boyfriend with me,
then everything would be a lot easier to deal with.


I am falling to pieces and I am afraid no one can help me out of this.


I hope things start to settle down.


I need more time to do things.
I cannot do all my assignment,
Study for my exams,
Pack to move 7 hours away
ALL IN THIRTY-THREE DAYS!


:(  Gee this is emotionally ruining me.. !

Day one:

Well today was the first day of me staying at my oldest brothers house.
I think it went well, I am a little tired though,
but I'm unsure as to whether its caused from looking after the boys.
I still have approximately 13 more days of baby sitting duties to go.


My newest nephew, Seth, has little dimples,
they're very cute. I noticed them when I was eating his cheeks :)


The second youngest nephew, Blake, called me Aunty Jessy for the first time
(he is only little, so he can't talk a great deal)


The oldest, Conner, was a little sulky today, as he has a big sore on his knee
and it still hurts... But we did play some random war game on the xbox.


I love my boys...


I wish I didn't have so much homework to attend to as well, though.
I am stressed and exhausted already.


Boring blogger, out.

With a million words running through my head, I still don't know what to say. I come up blank every time, as if I am emptied from the inside to the outside. I feel the shell of last year, covering everything I have worked for. I feel as if I am taking steps backwards, falling. I need this to stop. I am so confused.

A gift of life.

Seth Reilly Hamilton
10th May, 2010
6 pound 14 Ibs


 I was granted a gift,
my third nephew was born on Monday,
he is so precious to me already.
His facial expressions indicate 
how unreal his personality will be.
He makes me giggle
as he pulls the sweetest faces.
I love him already.
I wish I got to spend more time with him,
I really regret moving away now.
I have 36 days to enjoy my family
before its too late.

Facebook

Yesterday

Well... Yesterday had its ups and downs. 
I had a fight with my boyfriend, 
It was our first fight ever...
It was very upsetting, but everything is okay now.
I just never want to fight again...


Today I realized that my Dad has gone back to his old self.
We were starting to get along, 
And now that I am moving out,
He has gone back to being a prick...


My Mum and I were sorting things out today,
And he got all cranky..
But hey, atleast he finally decided I was allowed to
GET MY LEARNERS :O
Yes, shocking, huh?
Considering I am nearly seventeen,
and I should have had them for like 9 months now..
But I am still happy.


School really isn't great at the moment...
I can't help but thinking that in June I leave everyone behind.
I find I can't enjoy myself much,
and a lot of people keep saying they're going to miss me.
I will miss then also.
Especially my Mum....


I do not know how I am going to do this,
My Mum is highly special to me, 
and I'm cut that her Mother's Day present is late.
But we all need to grow up some time.


Now I am just rambling on.
Sorry this was a boring post.

FUCK

.

I am going back on my diet.
 I want to be stick thin. I can't fight these desires.
 I want what I want. Sorry Dion that you don't like skinny girls.
 I cannot handle looking at myself with this little bit of meat on me.
 I know that I have lost a lot of weight, and I am thin now. But I want to be thinner.
 I don't care that you can see my ribs now, or that I don't have much boobs. I am being greedy.
 I want a killer body. I want to be small and fragile. Just stand by me. I am going to crumble. I hate myself...

Peculiar, yet realistic.

Today I seen something that really made me stop and think.
I contemplated a lot of reasons why it fascinated me so much.


It was a very dull day, the atmosphere was dreary.
Nobody wore hopeful expressions.
The sky was overcast, a murky grey from the cloud cover.
The earth was dimly lit from the early hour.
The road was wet from both dew and overnight rain.
Days like these always seem depressing, and cold.


I was travelling into school on the bus, 
harmlessly listening to heavy metal on my ipod.
I was absentmindedly staring out of the bus window.
We were driving past an office building when I noticed something.
It wasn't something I had typically seen in real life.


A middle aged men,
Dressed in a blouse and dress pants,
Work attire,
Was walking up the stairs to the office buildings;
Of which I suppose he works.
But what struck me as unusual was the way he carried himself.
He had his head down, 
Looking towards the ground.
He had his shoulders hunched,
And he was dragging his feet along the pavement.
The way he walked,
Carrying his briefcase,
He looked so vulnerable and depressed.


That's when I realized that life never gets better.
Going to work never gets more enjoyable.
Everything we do,
We do because we need to.

I want my life to be different, worthwhile.