Over thought

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I've always been afraid of becoming one of those girls who live their life for their boyfriends.
The girl who has nothing else to talk about apart from her boyfriend. Luckily I've managed to maintain friendships. The friends I surround myself with are the people who treat me as an equal, by forgiving me for the person I so regrettably was the year prior. People who I don't necessarily compare to, but I can relate to.
I admire my friends for their strengths and weaknesses. I feel empathy towards them when I know they're struggling.

Apart from those usual things, I'm a girl who breaks the mold. I'm one of those girls who seems to fit in, but on the inside I know i'm the outsider. I listen to heavy metal and rock, most of my friends listen to R'n'B or mainstream. I prefer to get extremely angry, as a coping mechanism for when I face misfortunes. They cry. Some of them like to keep fit, to an extent, but all dislike people that are of a smaller body size. I on the other hand, loathe myself for not being that smaller size, I punish myself so that I can become that smaller size. They all go out on the weekend, and party as if there isn't a care in the world. Where as I sit at home and reflect on myself. As I am not permitted to go out, because I have an overprotective father, who never allows me to go anywhere unless I'm with my boyfriend, who he trusts. All of these comparisons may just seem to you like a different opinion on things, but its a perspective.

The people in my life who I am closest to, are quite some distance from me. When I was 12, my best friend moved 6 hours away... It's never been the same between us. Then I met this amazing girl, at high school. We remained close for ages. She moved once in grade 9. but then she came back. In the Christmas holidays following grade 10, she moved to the bottom of another state, and I'm so lost without her. I find it hard, knowing that she is facing all of these problems, and I can't even comfort her with a hug. Then there is this guy, who I liked as soon as I met him. We were getting to know each other, when he and his family moved 7 hours away. He was so devastated that he had to leave his friends. A few months after the move, we got really close, and started going out. We've been together ever since, and we get to see each other on holidays, and thats mainly it. In less than three months, I am leaving my family behind to live with him. Because I can't bare to let another person I care so much about, slip through my fingers.

I hold people very close to my heart, they're of a high personal value to me. You may think that you have me figured out, but there is something you don't know about me. I am very close to my family, my Mum especially. She and I are very close, and her opinion really matters to me. My family has faced a lot of hardships, just like any other. But no matter what those hardships are, I will always live my life to protect my family. My Mum, my oldest Brother, his children. My life doesn't matter without these people in it.

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